A Ferry Fathom Christmas
Phillip Fathom's poem from The Complete “Christmas on Mars” show from December 8, 2012. See the episode page for full cast listing and production information. Part One Twas the night before Christmas and all through the City crime took no holiday and I showed no pity. The Deep Sea Detective came from the ocean and he, like the sea, is devoid of emotion. A mission of justice more than of peace, for he, like the sea, will not ever cease. The muggers were crouched, crazed and cruel in dark canyons to pounce on any unlucky companions. Who in strong tides might have been swept astray But tonight all those predators will find they're the prey. And what of those colorful villains whose malice is boundless? I've found it's... well not to sound callous. My parents were murdered two decades ago and I don't have friends, I only have foes. So what joy still remains to be found in my heart comes when I take all those villains apart. King Mammal and Numbler and even Die-brarian are foiled by me, their deft disciplinarian. Leave capes in a closet and helmets on shelves take care of your families and take care of yourselves. You've got the night off you heroes in tights My gift is I'll fight every one of your fights. Part Two Tom Foolery The trap it was laid by we villains with care. The hero, a zero, we'd surely ensnare And make him wish he had not strayed from his lair. That finny old ninny had nary a prayer. For I'm Thomas Foolery. No wait, call me Tom I'll steal your jewelry, or kidnap your mom. Or shake up the city by exploding the pigeons, Or amping up tensions between the religions By causing collisions amidst circumcisions Which upsets all the parents as much as the chid'rens You'll notice I tend to work all alone But this Christmas Eve-Eve I picked up the phone I called up some villains as nasty as me And hatched up a doozy, a plan, that will be The end of the road for the Sherlock of oceans For as we concocted our sinister notions We landed on that which will certainly kill The undersea hero who smells badly of krill Three Villains Tom Foolery called us He called us! He did! We near flipped Sincerely We near flipped our lids! Together we planned up the wickedest plan To ruin To really lay waste to the man The man that thwarts all our nastiest schemes This killjoy, he spoils all our beastliest dreams So tonight we shall savor his screamiest screams See, I called ten friends So did I Hey me too We all said "For Christmas, hey here's what's let's do" No Egos No divas Our purpose is grim Let's work as a team All of us versus him Tom Foolery There was more to it than that, of course, but who cares? It started with just a couple of flares A traffic incursion that was a diversion That ended with Fathom's most utter inversion Then yessy yes yes, from hunter to hunted Before he knew we knew it, we got what we wanted Three Villains The punching The kicking Oh man it was priceless And then we popped him into our most deadly devices The nastiest death traps we have in our trade Flamethrowers Fear gas! And rotating blades Tom Foolery With no coat full of tricks, and dried out real good As if old Saint Nick was just one more hood Who gave us a present that we all unwrapped Tom and Villains The Deep Sea Detective was finally trapped Tom Foolery Oh but to see him gasp his last breath. Oh but to see him broken then... deathed. Fathom's run out of time and he's run out of clever It's truly the best, for me, holiday ever. Part Three They got me, they shot me, they put me through hell Doesn't take a detective to know that's the bell. I knew when I took on this life fighting crime The odds were uneven, twas a matter of time. I've got no regrets, no goodbyes left unsaid Noone will miss me when I am dead. Not with whimper nor bang, it only just ends When all of a sudden I learn I have friends. The heroes came in like a rainbow of fists Reminding the villains that true pain exists. "Hey Phil, thanks for saving some punching for us" Mr. Right says as he hits with the force of a bus. But seeing the beatings handed out by the others I learned I had family, sisters and brothers. They gave me the strength to once again join the fight Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! Category:Largo episodes Category:Holiday episodes Category:Phillip Fathom Episodes